“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me” (2 Corinthians 12:7b NIV).
This past Saturday, I attended a “Day with the Bishop” confirmation event with my daughter. During one of the classes (on missions), the parable of the King judging the sheep and the goats was used to illustrate the importance Jesus places on caring about others. It saddened me to recall past times when I behaved as a goat rather than a sheep. The recollection of sinful shortcomings pricked me—an unexpected and unwelcomed thorn in what was otherwise a day of praise and worship.
I am not what some would call a “morbid” thinker; rather, my days are hopeful, my thoughts uplifting, my awareness of God real, and my confidence high. Such an attitude derives from the changes God is making in my life. Still, my life before Christ was messy.
Time is a formidable distance, but it can be bridged very quickly. Our past haunts us because our hearts are being changed by Christ, and brushes with our Dorian Gray former selves can be uncomfortable. Perhaps Paul was thinking about a certain day in his life when he watched the crowd stone Steven when he said in Philippians 3:13 to forget what lies behind and to press forward to the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
There are other “thorn memories” that buffet me from time to time, that spring unbidden to wound me. On a recent Saturday, I joyfully celebrated my son’s wedding. As the wedding began I was seated in the front row with my ex-wife (my son’s mother) on one side of me, and my wife (and mother of my daughters—all bridesmaids and flower girls) on the other. It is hard to dodge the implications of a failed marriage sitting in the front row. “There was a wedding in Cana of Galilee” was the Scripture that kept running through my mind. Weddings are important to God.
The photographer was very cautious in discerning “family dynamics” as we all posed for pictures after the wedding. Family dynamics. Sheesh.
Paul, in another admonition, tells us that God works all things for our good. A vivid example is Paul’s thorn: not only did it keep him from becoming conceited; it also worked to drive him urgently into God’s capable hands. My thorns, in spite of their pain, were instrumental in leading me to Grace. My memories are reminders of who I was, not who I am, or much more importantly, whose I am.
God can save you from sin and can also save you out of it, but it is best for the individual to be saved from sin, before it wounds us and others, and before it’s consequences lodge somewhere in our minds to act as thorns against us. When the past haunts me, I lean all the more heavily into Jesus, trusting that He will continue to shape my heart so that it grows more and more into a heart like His.
The Scripture rings true for me that “we love because He first loved us.” I am very interested in serving a God like that, and because I love Him, I am committed to minimizing my future thorn and goat moments by His power and His grace working in my life. Left alone, I bleat and bleed. It is good to remember that even Peter sank when he took his eyes off Jesus.