“Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 119:23-24 NKJV).
A scratchy throat, a runny nose, some sneezing, a stuffy head, and feeling tired—even irritable, are all symptoms we recognize as the beginning of a cold (if we are lucky) or the flu (if we are not so lucky). Since we have experienced colds and flu before, we know the duration and extent of the illness that is coming at us, as well as medicines that can ease our discomfort. Unless something goes terribly wrong, time passes and we heal.
I have felt a spiritual cold coming on for a few weeks; I do not believe it is a case of spiritual flu. My symptoms:
- I feel anxious about present circumstances.
- I have muttered curses under my breath.
- Memories of the past and life questions that have been prayed over and (so I thought) put to bed have reappeared.
- Optimism, once a bedrock character trait, seems more a remembered virtue.
- I am quick to anger over circumstances outside my control.
God warned Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?” (Genesis 4:6b). God is marvelous to show us that we are becoming spiritually ill, that our spiritual immune system is taking a beating. If God did not present us with symptoms, if God did not present us with a diagnosis, then our hope in Him would be of little value. But He is the Good Shepherd, always looking after His flock.
Sunday morning I spent time reflecting on the temptations of Jesus, how His temptations were real and significant. Physical needs (hunger), pride and significance, and a willingness to explore taking the easy way out, are temptations common to man. Temptation is rooted in desire; desire unchecked leads to sin (James 1:14-15).
This morning I awoke with the thought that since Jesus bore the sins of the world on the cross, did He not also bear all of the temptations of the world as well? After all, isn’t the opposite side of the coin denominated in “desire” sin? “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).
This past Sunday, my pastor preached from Matthew 7:24 (build your house upon the rock). In the early hours this morning, a connection was (yet again) made clear in my mind: We cannot overcome the turbulence of life (and its attendant spiritual illness) by ourselves—we are not sufficient for the task. But Jesus is.
I know people who have struggled with addiction (desire) and who have become counselors for others. They know the depth of the desire, they know the consequences, and they know they can help. Jesus knows the depth of our struggle, too. Jesus helps us because He loves us, and He loves us because we are found in Him—words that mean we have acknowledged a personal relationship with Him.
Only in relationship with Jesus do we find strength for the trials of life, purpose in our work, hope in our future, certainty in our optimism, and the reason we experience joy in all circumstances.
Here is the crux of the matter for me, and I suspect for everyone. We get attached to our life. When things go well—hallelujah! When things confront the status quo, we shout “Criminy!” Our life is too often what we see with our eyes and experience with our senses. To paraphrase my pastor, material things and self-actualizing endeavors are not life jackets; they do not sustain and will not keep us afloat. Our human propensity, however, is to forget that truth.
A spiritual head-cold is how God reminds me that His searching gaze is diagnosing a problem. In spiritual discomfort, I come to the Great Physician and am healed. I am chastened to be in His waiting room yet again, but He receives me gladly, and for that I am overwhelmed by gratitude.